Saturday, July 17, 2021

Review: A CLASSIC HORROR STORY

Warning: this entire review might constitute a spoiler so don't read it. And don't watch the movie, either. Oh god, I've just become my own vicitm!

So...

A group of people go on the road, hit a tree and wake up in a clearing in a thick forest with a creepy wooden cabin at its centre. Then someone makes an Evil Dead reference and there's a visual nod to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and you are going to lose count very soon but you're meant to lose count and revel in the crazy post-modernism of this Italian meta horror which knows that your knowing it's clever is proof of the cleverness which the clever people who made it drew from their own shared cleverness. Is it really time to resurrect the self-reflection of '90s horror movies and then cube it up so that all possible criticisms of it will bounce off? No, it isn't.

I was in a band once where the gimmick was to rewrite pop songs as though they were socio-biological case studies. While I recall the experience of the band itself with a wince I'll have to admit that that is a good joke, still. Anyway, there was one time when the guy who did the lyrics floated the idea of singing, instead of "jaiiiiilbreak" words like "sennnnnnd-up, it's all we ever do." He was wise enough to drop it, knowing how much it would have weakened the entire act. However good the joke was it was the only joke the band had. Getting meta about that always makes it look like you're embarrassed to be on stage in your own act, at which point it's time to pack it in. No one told these writers and filmmakers anything like that so you get a movie like this which starts cramming every possible quote from the world of horror cinema that it can find, turns the recognition of that on to the viewer and then back on itself, even evoking social media criticism (that the film has created because it's so aware of all the angles). 

If you really want to get all po-mo on something like horror it really is best to avoid dissing the audience. If your setups are so authentically gruesome than you aren't going to come within a cooee of any smug folk who might enjoy genre movies getting it in the neck. Yes, this film understands how horror movies work and how social media has shaped that but do you really need to go to the trouble of creating such a self-defeating piece to state the obvious?

If they had put their considerable resources into making a straight-up, no-irony horror movie they would have seen it immersed in exactly the kind of culture they are desperately trying to be arch about. Dig? It would happen anyway (and does) but then where's the fun in that when no one "KNOWS" you've done it? Well, maybe in some popcorn chewing cinematic joy, maybe? Archness is fine but slimy self-reflection on your archness is bullshit. So, measure for measure, I'll mark this one with the worst teacher comment on any report card: Could do better.

Currently on Netflix.

No comments:

Post a Comment